Life lessons

The lessons life teaches are quite amazing things and the way they are taught never quite come as imagined.

Before I left for Zimbabwe, one thing I had asked God to do in my life was to empty me of myself and to truly rid me of all that stood in the way of God being fully able to work. Now, don't misunderstand me here; God is fully capable of working with or without my cooperation, but there is much to be said for being "poured out like a drink offering" 2 Tim. 3:6. Ponder that for a brief moment. When water or fluid flows out, it has no control as to where it goes. Offering myself in such a way that I am yielding completely to the power and flow of God in my life, what can be accomplished is beyond the imagination.

What I have come to realize is that all of my skills and abilities, especially as a nurse, have been ripped out from under me. For the first time in my life, all that I have been trained to do and am capable of doing, I have literally, totally and completely been unable to perform. Why? One would have to come here and see to understand. It is almost beyond the point of explanation. I can assess and know what someone needs, but there is no way, at this point to meet that need. No money, little transport, no fuel, no food, no meds, no supplies. Nothing. I can't even write a check to churches we have been to visit. I can't repay the hospitality given to us by so many. I can do nothing in myself. I have nothing to offer people or God except myself and my prayers. I feel like a broken vessel, humanly incapable of doing anything and I feel stripped of myself and left bleeding. But, it doesn't stop there.

Jason read this to me this morning. He found it randomly in a book. It is by Alice Gray. It seemed perfectly fitting. "Mother Theresa attended a gathering with kings, and presidents, and statesmen from all over the world. They were there in their crowns and jewels and silks and Mother Theresa wore her sari held together by a safety pin. One of the nobleman spoke to her of her work with the poorest of the poor in Calcutta. He asked her if she didn't become discouraged because she saw so few successes in her ministry. Mother Theresa answered, 'No, I do not become discouraged. You see, God has not called me to a ministry of success. He has called me to a ministry of mercy' ".

God has been speaking this to my heart: "It is not about you or what you can offer people; it's about Me, what I can do, and the life and miracles I can offer. You think you trust me and think I do the work, but all along, it has been you that you are relying on. You asked for me to empty you. That's why I brought you to a place where nothing is humanly possible. So, start trusting Me and allowing Me to truly work. I will fill you with Me and not more of you". Hard and humbling and my prayer has certainly been answered, but not in the way I had anticipated.

So, what am I learning to do with this? Pray constantly. Trust in the God of miracles and that He is fully capable of multiplying the little that is here. I am realizing that sometimes all I can offer is compassion and mercy. God can do something beautiful with that and when it is all I have, it can be more than enough.

I will share a story I hope will bless you as much as it did me. We went to a home the other day to visit a young woman who is HIV positive. She has two young children. One of the children was a little girl about 2 years old. She didn't smile at all and it appeared that she was not feeling well. Apparently, she had a fever that day. They did not have money to take her to a clinic. I did not have children's tylenol to give them to help reduce the fever. All we could offer was prayer and that the power of the mighty God would touch her. When we went back to visit her the next day, the little girl came running out, smiling. The grandmother informed us that after we prayed, the little girl's fever was gone. Totally gone. She is well and happy. God didn't need children's tylenol. Who was I to think He did. Mercy and prayer was all we needed and a belief that God is true to His Word.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" Ephesians 3:20.